A Really Really Screwed YuYu Hakusho Halloween
by Rauko Zekuzu
Summary: Like the name suggests, really, really wrong insanity on Halloween. (Can you say 'Yusuke in a 4000-lb. gorilla suit?) Rated for my plain wrongness. You'll see.
1. The Insanity Begins

Disclaimer- If I owned any of these animes, there'd actually be an episode where all this insanity actually does happen. I don't own FUNimation, either. Even though I desperately want to....

If you know very little about YuYu Hakusho (Like you don't know who Ishizuru, Atsuko, and Yukina are.), it's going to be a long and confusing road.

stuff in these brackets are author's notes

(stuff in parentheses are actions, descriptions, etc.)

Narrator-It was a dark and stormy night. The typical cliché. The incredibly corny start to some sci-fi "thriller" that amazes people of how it got published, let alone sell. And the busty heroine that makes guys swoon and stare when her shirt gets ripped off in battle, and the drunkards that strip themselves naked, and-

Me-OO-KAY, THAT'S ENOUGH! (to narrator, in a whisper) You're not supposed to read stuff under 'Random Ideas I'm Not Supposed to Read'!

Narrator-But it's right on the script...

Me-There is no script, dumbass.

Narrator- (smug and suspicious) How do _you_ know?

Me-Because I'm the writer, you fuckhead!

Narrator- Oh.

Me-You're hopeless. You're fired.

N- Y-You can't fire me!

Me-Why not?

N- You're not my boss! You're not even old enough to _work_ for FUNimation!

Me- Don't ruin my fantasy. (Grows claws, wolf ears, fangs, and tail.)

N- Wh-what the fu-GAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

(Narrator has been horribly mutilated by yours truly in a sound-effect-filled, bloody death straight from 'Dead Leaves'.)

Me- (Kicks body into sewers and licks blood from claws) That felt so damn good...Anyways, let's get back to the story...well, from the title, you might assume that it's, yup, Halloween. And, of course, that means scaaarry costumes and candy.

Limey-Hey, Megumi...don't you have a costume yet?

Me- No, I don't. Why else do you think I grew this stupid tail that's only going to get in the way?

Limey-Weee-lllll.....I kinda have one for you....(giggles with an evil little smile and takes out....SAILOR FUKUsailor schoolgirl uniform?!)

Me- OH MY FUCKING GAWD YOU GET THAT EVIL THING OUT OF MY SIGHT RIGHT THIS INSTANT GAHHHHH DIE EVIL PREPPY THING!!!! (and so I rip the sailor fuku into tiny little shreds and incinerate those.)

Limey- Aww....I paid good money for that...

Me-Oh gawd. That thing deserved to die. Okay, getting back to the story, pretty much everybody from YYH's at my little fantasy house. As of now, I've got no clue what the costumes are for everybody...

Limey-So we're going to find out.

Me-Yup. And the guys on YYH know us.

Limey-They do?

Me-In our minds, at least.

Limey-You mean the voices in our heads, right?

Me- Limey, I don't have voices in my head.

L-You don't?

Me-Just shut the hell up and follow me.

L-(Walks into a nearby pole.) Ow. (Turns around, walks into the pole right behind the other one.) Ow. (Turns around, walks into pole.) Ow (starts cracking up). she's actually done this in real life....

Me-Ooookaay...Limey seems like she's on pot right now. Either that or her non-existent brain's finally shut down.

L- Wah? (walks into pole and breaks her glasses)

Me- Exactly.

The next chapter's one hell of a lot more perverted, wrong, and shameless (and funny, I hope). Now's a good time to review before you read my second, really really wrong chapter.


	2. Screwed Insanity

Disclaimer- Nope. I don't own YYH. But I want to. (I don't own any anime. You'll see why I put this down later on) IF YOU HAVEN'T MET THE SNAKE IN FRUITS BASKET YOU WILL NOT GET THE JOKE.

Remember, my character's name's Megumi, and I still have my wolf ears, claws, fangs, and tail. Limey's the embodiment of my real-life friend that actually likes YYH (though I wouldn't consider her a full-fledged fanatic like me just yet)....enjoy the insanity.

Me-(After luring Limey into the fantasy house with some licorice, there's a hallway with a bunch of rooms, each one with a number.) Let's see...(checks list that appears out of nowhere) Ishizuru's room.

L-Wonder what she is?

Me-I actually have no idea. (knocks on door.) Oy! Ishizuru!

Ishizuru- It's not my big dope of a baby bro, Kazuma, is it?

Me-No, it's just Megumi and my crackpot assistant, Limey.

L-Assistant?

Me- Do you honestly think I'm going to let you be anything else?

L-Uh....

Me-Forget it. (Door swings open)

Ishizuru-What d'you want?

Both me and Limey- Whoa...

Me- Nice costume!

(Ishizuru's clad in a real authentic-looking FBI costume, complete with sunglasses, bulletproof vest, and...)

L-Ooh...is that a real pistol? (Grabs the gun from Ishizuru's pocket.)

I-Hey! Careful with that thing!

(Unfortunately, most of the time, stuff told to Limey goes in one ear and out the other. This...was one of those times.)

L-Wonder what'd happen if I did...(points gun at me) this! (Pretends to fire gun and ends up accidentally squeezing the trigger when it's pointing towards the ceiling.)

Voice upstairs-OHMYGODSOMETHING'SBEENSHOTUPMYASS!

L-Oops...eheh...heh...

I-(Sweatdrops)

Me- (Evil death glare to Limey.) I've got a game for you, Limey. It's called, 'Sudden Death'.

L-Oh..uh...n-nice...nice...

Me- (Vein popping)The rules...simple. You either get your fucking ass upstairs and use your newly endowed healing powers or, sudden death.

L- (terrified) I'M GOING UPSTAIRS!!!

I- Hey, nice way of dealing with her...mind if I use it on Kazuma?

Me- Not at all. Just don't actually kill him.

I-Don't worry. I'll go easy. (Limey comes back).

L-Okay, the guy's fine now.

Me- And you _did_ get the bullet out of his ass, right?

L- Uhh...yeah. (Shudders)

Me-Good. Ok...next room...Yusuke? Wow...this should be interesting.

I and L- I'm sure.

Me-Hmm...I can't resist having a little fun...(taking on Genkai's voice) OY! DIMWIT! GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT HERE!

Yusuke-SHUT IT, YOU BITCHY OLD HA-(opens door in the middle of his swearing and sees me. He starts laughing hysterically, and I join in.) You-hu-hu b-ee-yotch! I'm trying to make it sound like he's laughing, OK?

L-Uhh...Yusuke? What the hell are you supposed to be?

Yusuke-Heehee...Hm? Oh, yeah...a 4000-pound gorilla. (I laugh even harder) Keiko's dressing up as a 2000-pound one with me. (Even more laughing.) Whoa..Megumi...it's not _that_ funny.

Me-(still laughing) No..no..it's not that..heheee...just..that....mwehehehe.... Guess who's gonna be on top and who's gonna be on the bottom tonight... (laughs even more)

Yusuke- SHUT IT!

Me- I wonder if Atsuko knows anything about your little make-out sessions with Keiko...

Y- SHADDUP, DAMMIT!

Me- Ohh...I see...it's something more along the lines of...(in an annoying, singsong way) YUSUKE FUCKING KEI-KO! YUSUKE FUCKING KEI-KO! (Limey and Ishizuru sweatdrop.)

Y-GO TO HELL, YOU FUCKING PERVERTED BITCH!

L- All righty, then...with the way Yusuke and Megumi treat each other, they must've been an old married couple in a past life...

I- Then Yusuke must've been a polygamist since he treats Keiko and baby bro like that....

L-That's just plain disturbing, Ishizuru. Gimme the list, Megumi (I'm _still_ laughing, dodging Yusuke's attacks)...Kuwabara's room, eh? This is gonna be good.

Me-Allow me...(Clears throat and mimics Yukina) Kazuumaaa, darling! I just got out of the shower, and I can't find my bathrobe or a towel or anything at all! (The door bursts open. Kuwabara's completely naked.)

Kuwabara- YUKINA, MY LOVE! I'M READY ANYTIME YOU ARE!!

All except for Kuwabara-OH MY GAWD! PUT SOMETHING ON, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Kuwabara- Damn..tricked again. (Kuwabara throws some stuff on).All right, I'm decent now. (the minute we open our eyes, Limey and I collapse on the ground, laughing.)

L-BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!! Oh-oh...my gawd....ahhhahhahahahahaha!!!

Me- He's...he's.....bwahahaha....

Both of us-AYAME SOHMA! (Yup. Lo and behold, Kuwabara's got a long, silver wig on and a leopard print coat. He's even gotten gold colored contacts put into his eyes.)

L-Hahaha....wait...let's get Yusuke to hug him and make him transform!

Y-SAY WHAAAT?

Me-No, no, wait! He just needs to hug himself!! (We continue our hysteria as two doors open)

Keiko-What's all that laughing? (She's already dressed in her gorilla suit, except that it's been topped off with a tutu. Limey and I practically die laughing.)

Kurama- There's certainly been a lot of it. (I look at Kurama. He's in a Sherlock Holmes costume yeah...I absolutely ADORE those books.. I look at Limey with this really evil smile. She instantly gets worried.)

L- What the hell are you planning on doing?

Me-(I stagger up and magically produce an almost-empty vodka bottle.) WOOOHOOHOOHOOOO!!!! YEEEAAHH!!!!!!! (Yusuke catches on and starts acting in a similar manner while the other guys stand in bewilderment or laugh their heads off.)

Y- YEEEAHH!!! DRUUUUNK DEMON GIRLLL! DRRUUUUUNK! Imagining Yusuke dancing around in a gorilla costume can't help but make you laugh.

Me- FUCKIN' RIGHT YEAAAHHH!!!!! (I look at Kurama again and start slurring my words.) REDHEAD SHERLOCK HOLMESIES!!! Thought yuuuwaz deaaad!! Ahhh....watdahellzzz!!! (I pounce on him as convincingly as a person pretending to be drunk can.) FUCK ME NOOOOOWW!!! (I'm sitting on Kurama's stomach, while he's on the floor, scared as hell. I grab his necktie, pulling his face up to mine, showing crazed, drunken gaze, and start laughing hysterically.)

Kurama- E-eh...?

Me- Ahahahahaahhaa....my gawd, I've never seen you so scared in your life!! Hohahahahahahaaa!!! (Everyone else starts laughing, too. I roll off of Kurama, laughing as hard as I ever imagined. I punch some hard surface, like people do when they're laughing really, really hard. Unfortunately, I break this surface....which turns out to be another door. I instantly fall and collapse onto...Hiei.)

Hiei- I don't know why I ever put up with you pathetic mortals. (Another door opens..and out comes...)

Botan-What's going on...

All but Botan- OH MY FUCKING GAWD!

Yusuke- MY EYES! THEY'RE BURNING! THEY'RE BURNING!

Kuwabara- EVILLLLLL!!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

Keiko- Botan! How could you do something like that?

Me-GET SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON!

Botan- What? You don't like my stripper costume?

Hiei- Hn.

I'm sorry...I couldn't help but write such a wrong fic after working on my really twisted other fics....HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE!

And don't forget to comment on my wrongness.


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